Imagine the resume:
Mark "Bo" Pelini
1 Memorial Stadium
Lincoln, NE
Goal: To obtain the football head coaching position at a major university that has an understanding fan base, easy recruiting, friendly or no local media, an indifference to winning conference championships provided a minimum win total is achieved, a supportive university president and athletic director, superior facilities, cupcake schedules, premium athletes already on campus that already know how to tackle and do not fumble, and has no problem with nepotism or padding the pocket books of high school buddies.
Salary: Negotiable ($3 million would be a nice starting point) along with a car allowance and extreme bonuses for when the athletes earn good grades.
Experience:
Head Coach, University of Nebraska 2008-2013 - In 2008, elevated the record of a ragtag group of athletes that should have won a conference title and 11 games the previous year with all the talent they had from 7 losses to only 4 losses...maintained that superior record throughout my tenor at the University. Would have won a conference championship if Suh had executed better in the waning moments of the CCG. Also, the referee's always had it in for Nebraska because some of the previous Nebraska coaches were so critical of the Big 12.
Defensive Coordinator, LSU 2005-7 - Inherited a defensive unit loaded with talent that had finished #3 intotal defense each of the 3 years before I got there. Maintained that tradition! Of course, you probably know already that my defense led us to the NC that year!
Co-Defensive Coordinator, Oklahoma 2004 - Instilled new blood and brainpower into a stale defensive scheme...designed the defensive game plan used in the national championship game. Stoop's owed me as once a Cardinal Mooney guy, forever a Cardinal Mooney guy.
Defensive Coordinator, Nebraska 2003 - Nearly saved HC Frank Solich's job singled handedly by putting together a defense loaded with NFL talent that was only dismantled 3 times that year. Did an outstanding job as interim HC when the foolish AD canned the HC.
NFL Superstar Coach - Green Bay, San Francisco...Cardinal Mooney connections got me started at SF when they won the Super Bowl (yup...got the ring to prove it). Coached a bunch of all-pro's, but without me it is really doubtful they win it all. Green Bay was pretty similar but the all pro's there didn't execute well enough to win the Super Bowl...seemed odd at the time...but, I couldn't make the plays for them! My NFL experrience is where I learned how to use the word execution to my advantage.
Menial Jobs - Cardinal Mooney connections got me started at Iowa, where my mere precense got them a great record in my first year! No need to discuss anything but that year. Coached my high school team (in case I haven't mentioned it, it was Cardinal Mooney) quarterbacks for a year, but just as when I captained CM they werent too good, but almost every other year they contended for championships, so you see...I come from a winning tradition.
Other Skills I have Perfected:
- Media Relations
- leadership (sent team to 3 day boot camp)
- motivation (use carrot and stick approach by improving school "blackshirt tradition" by transitioning the team award to an individual award. Also, eliminated permanent Captains until necessary several years later...use the "appoint leaders" methodology.)
- Hiring practices (never hire anyone that might be capable of doing your job approach)
- recruiting (never been better)
- interviewing
- working well with friends and family
- developing a culture (cult for short)
opcorn::
