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Tell Me a Funny

Q: Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? A: She didn't know which "1" came first!

Q: What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A: A blonde at a flashing red light

Q: Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? A: She wanted to be spotless inside and out.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? A: Siamese twins

Q: Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? A: Because she wanted sweet dreams!

Q: Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? A: Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.

Q: What do you call an eternity? A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? A: They think their picture is being taken.
 

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
 
HUSKER HOT SAUCE said:
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
Click to expand...


:thumbsup: :bow: :clap:
 
A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"
 

CrnhskrBob said:
A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"
Click to expand...

:rolfl::rolfl:
 
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A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
 
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
 


A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
 
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[FONT=&quot]Two policemen (Officer Ken and his sergeant) talk on the radio.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]
Ken: "Hello. Sarge?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Sarge: "Yes?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Ken: "We have a murder here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean."
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Sarge: "Have you arrested the woman?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Ken: "No sir[/FONT][FONT=&quot] not yet. The floor is still wet."[/FONT]
 
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<center>Marriage quotes 01

</center>Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
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I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you".
She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking"
I said, "It's me........I'm talking to the beer"!
 
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