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Tell Me a Funny

68hskr

Travel Squad
10 Year Member
[FONT=&quot]Myself rather fluent in the English language, the term “Politically Correct” was not in my vocabulary. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do a little research, and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I'd been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum, in Independence Missouri . An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams that were exchanged by President Harry S. Truman and General of the Army Douglas A. MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the Surrender Agreement. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[h=6][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]The contents of those four telegrams exhibited below are exactly as received, not a word having been added or deleted:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot](1) Tokyo , Japan[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]0800-September 1,1945[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]To: President Harry S Truman[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]From: General D A MacArthur[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]Tomorrow we meet with those yellow bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot](2) Washington, D C[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]1300-September 1, 1945[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]To: D A MacArthur[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]From: H S Truman[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot](3) Tokyo , Japan[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]1630-September 1, 1945[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]To: H S Truman[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot](4) Washington, D C[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]2120-September 1, 1945[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]From: H S Truman[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of ************ by its clean end![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/h]
[h=6][FONT=&quot]So with special thanks to my friends at the Truman Museum , and of course Harry, you now have a full understanding of what "POLITICAL CORRECTNESS" really means! [/FONT][/h]
 

CrnhskrBob

Husker Immortal
15 Year Member
[FONT=&amp]Myself rather fluent in the English language, the term “Politically Correct” was not in my vocabulary. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do a little research, and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I'd been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum, in Independence Missouri . An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams that were exchanged by President Harry S. Truman and General of the Army Douglas A. MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the Surrender Agreement. [/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]The contents of those four telegrams exhibited below are exactly as received, not a word having been added or deleted:[/FONT]



[FONT=&amp](1) Tokyo , Japan[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]0800-September 1,1945[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]To: President Harry S Truman[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]From: General D A MacArthur[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]Tomorrow we meet with those yellow bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions![/FONT]



[FONT=&amp](2) Washington, D C[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]1300-September 1, 1945[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]To: D A MacArthur[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]From: H S Truman[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct![/FONT]



[FONT=&amp](3) Tokyo , Japan[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]1630-September 1, 1945[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]To: H S Truman[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?[/FONT]



[FONT=&amp](4) Washington, D C[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]2120-September 1, 1945[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]From: H S Truman[/FONT]


[FONT=&amp]Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of ************ by its clean end![/FONT]



[FONT=&amp]So with special thanks to my friends at the Truman Museum , and of course Harry, you now have a full understanding of what "POLITICAL CORRECTNESS" really means! [/FONT]

Love it!! :thumbsup:
 

CrnhskrBob

Husker Immortal
15 Year Member

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
 

HUSKER HOT SAUCE

Music Soothes My Soul
5 Year Member
ROBOT FOR SALE:

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
 

HUSKER HOT SAUCE

Music Soothes My Soul
5 Year Member
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ****who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ***** who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the B**** in the kitchen."
 

HUSKER HOT SAUCE

Music Soothes My Soul
5 Year Member
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
 

HUSKER HOT SAUCE

Music Soothes My Soul
5 Year Member
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
"Go get your Mother."
 

CrnhskrBob

Husker Immortal
15 Year Member
ROBOT FOR SALE:

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
:thumbsup:
 

CrnhskrBob

Husker Immortal
15 Year Member
Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an "F" in sex.

Q: What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? A: She sticks it in the microwave!

Q: Why did God give blondes 2 more brain cells than horses? A: So they don't ******** in the parade.

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm sooooo drunk!"

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel.
 
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HUSKER HOT SAUCE

Music Soothes My Soul
5 Year Member
Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"


Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm sooooo drunk!"

:clap::rolfl: :rolfl: :lol:
 

HUSKER HOT SAUCE

Music Soothes My Soul
5 Year Member
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."
 

CrnhskrBob

Husker Immortal
15 Year Member
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."

:rolfl:
 

CrnhskrBob

Husker Immortal
15 Year Member
Q: Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? A: It only had 1 stalk.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff.

Imitation of a blonde refueling.. (Flap hand, blowing air into ears)

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? A: Air Pockets

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails? A: To hide the valve stem!


 
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HUSKER HOT SAUCE

Music Soothes My Soul
5 Year Member
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
 

CrnhskrBob

Husker Immortal
15 Year Member
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
:rolfl:
 
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