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Randy Gregory Article - Struggles with Addiction

berryhusker

Travel Squad
15 Year Member
No one realizes it more than he does. No one is harder on him than he is. You stating it says more about you, in the wrong way, than it does about him. When dealing with the issues Randy is dealing with it isn't just "grabbing yourself by the stacking swivel and getting it done". To say it is simply a light switch type operation that a guy should just do, showcases a stunning ignorance to the complexity and depth of the human mind. Life is all about chances. Everyone gets more than 1. Everyone. In fact, we all get hundreds of chances to do the right things, make the right decisions, own up to our mistakes, make good on past indiscretions and help those who we may have wronged. All of us. Most aren't required to do all of that so publicly as Randy is.

Maybe take a step back and put yourself in others shoes instead of demanding they try on yours.
I'm guessing you have never dealt with addition yourself or watched a loved one self destruct due to addition. Most, not all, but most addicts know they need to stop what they are doing and get their act together and most are actually trying to do just that. Unfortunately the power the addition has is usually stronger. It takes a lot of hard work and a lot of second chances and if you're lucky you can gain enough power to hold the addition at bay every day for the rest of your life. If not you can end up in a life long cycle of winning and losing to the addition. The really unfortunate never gain power over their addition at all.

I have a 25 your old son who has been winning and losing to his addiction with alcohol for several years now. We talk daily and I know how hard he is trying but for whatever reason, it just has an immense hold over him.

I still hold him accountable for becoming an addict in the first place because that is on him. But piling on him and throwing that in his face doesn't help in his recovery. I only bring it up when he tries to blame others for his problems.


For those who have close friends/family who struggle with addiction or work with addicts for a living (me on both accounts), being judgmental and shaming are 2 of the worst things a person can do to help their recovery. Striking a balance between being supportive and challenging is probably the most effective approach.
 
D

Deleted member 328

Guest
Good discussion. I don't know of much "hard science" in this area. The opinions-statements I made are from empirical evidence(from my own family) and anecdotal. I certainly have empathy for some of the circumstances stated above. I too hope Gregory is successful in overcoming his problems. However, I do believe tough love can be very effective in dealing with some of these problems.
You should go out and look for the hard science in this area. It would help you be a better human. There’s plenty out there.
 

Pops

I have squandered my resistance
10 Year Member
Indeed but most on this board would disagree.
Dont think many would disagree. We can become dependent on any type of drug. There are about 5000 people a year that die from Acetaminophen poisoning from overuse. The withdrawal symptoms of pot are minor in comparison to most other drugs .. it about the same as caffeine. It is more common to develop a substance use disorder when a person starts using it before they are 18 and between 18- 23.
 

Pops

I have squandered my resistance
10 Year Member
My nephew told me one time that “whoever says pot isn’t addictive, they are lying”. He died of a drug overdose about 6 months later. 23 years old, soon to graduate Texas Arlington.

He told me pot per se wasn’t addictive, but getting high - and higher - certainly was.
So sorry to hear of the overdose but...it was not from pot
 

Pops

I have squandered my resistance
10 Year Member
Good discussion. I don't know of much "hard science" in this area. The opinions-statements I made are from empirical evidence(from my own family) and anecdotal. I certainly have empathy for some of the circumstances stated above. I too hope Gregory is successful in overcoming his problems. However, I do believe tough love can be very effective in dealing with some of these problems.
What will tough love do?
Substance use disorder come from the rewiring of the brain. At that point the drug becomes the most important factor in their life. It's fight or flight. They will do anything to get that drug because without it they feel as if they will die. The body the brain are all screaming I NEED IT! What many centers around the country are doing for alcohol and opiate use is substitution therapy and the drug they are using is pot. They are finding it is the best for all the withdrawal symptoms. Tough love would do nothing to help a person through opiate withdrawals or alcohol withdrawals where the person without proper medical attention could die. Take a women that is pregnant that is addicted to opiates. Most would think that she has to stop the opiate use. Yes that would be the goal but not until she has the baby. The national guidelines would be to get her on methadone until she delivers the baby. Tough love and taking the drug away would kill the baby.

So yeah. Tough love. throw the person out of the house lose all contact with them, no longer help them disown them. Do all the things you think are right and ...they will find another avenue to use and you just gave them even more reasons to use.
 

Red October

Junior Varsity
5 Year Member


For those who have close friends/family who struggle with addiction or work with addicts for a living (me on both accounts), being judgmental and shaming are 2 of the worst things a person can do to help their recovery. Striking a balance between being supportive and challenging is probably the most effective approach.
You arrive at point when you say F I with the support because it isn't working. The people who don't think pot is addictive need to look at to much chocolate, too much win, too much beer, too much shopping....all addictive behaviors. Ususally and generally those doing the support have not made a cluster fu*k of their lives while those using the drug, pot, have.
 

goodnterribles

Regulators! Let's mount up.
5 Year Member
You arrive at point when you say F I with the support because it isn't working. The people who don't think pot is addictive need to look at to much chocolate, too much win, too much beer, too much shopping....all addictive behaviors. Ususally and generally those doing the support have not made a cluster fu*k of their lives while those using the drug, pot, have.
Well then I guess I've made a mess of my life. Oh well.
 

Pops

I have squandered my resistance
10 Year Member
You arrive at point when you say F I with the support because it isn't working. The people who don't think pot is addictive need to look at to much chocolate, too much win, too much beer, too much shopping....all addictive behaviors. Ususally and generally those doing the support have not made a cluster fu*k of their lives while those using the drug, pot, have.
It's not about support. It's about therapy just like any other disease.
 

RedStones

Nebraskan Again
5 Year Member
One of the greatest challenges is getting the addict to accept they even have a problem. Most think they are still in control even when it is obvious to everyone else in their lives. Until they get to a point where they accept the chemical has all the power they can't be helped. It appears Randy is at least at the point where he has accepted his addiction and doesn't want it to control his life anymore. I just hope he understands the fight isn't over. It's never going to be over. But it won't always be so hard as at first.
 

Trojan Husker

Junior Varsity
5 Year Member
I'm guessing you have never dealt with addition yourself or watched a loved one self destruct due to addition. Most, not all, but most addicts know they need to stop what they are doing and get their act together and most are actually trying to do just that. Unfortunately the power the addition has is usually stronger. It takes a lot of hard work and a lot of second chances and if you're lucky you can gain enough power to hold the addition at bay every day for the rest of your life. If not you can end up in a life long cycle of winning and losing to the addition. The really unfortunate never gain power over their addition at all.

I have a 25 your old son who has been winning and losing to his addiction with alcohol for several years now. We talk daily and I know how hard he is trying but for whatever reason, it just has an immense hold over him.

I still hold him accountable for becoming an addict in the first place because that is on him. But piling on him and throwing that in his face doesn't help in his recovery. I only bring it up when he tries to blame others for his problems.
I love your post but I strongly disagree with this bolded part of your statement. You can't control whether or not you become an addict. I avoided alcohol and drugs all my life because I knew addiction and depression were things that ran in my family. Addiction found me in another way and I've had to fight it for years. I almost completely destroyed my life several times in the past and was suicidal at different points as well, but I'm in a good place now.

There are lots of programs out there that save lives. I hope he's taking part in one. If your son does the work, he will get better.
 
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RedStones

Nebraskan Again
5 Year Member
I love your post but I strongly disagree with this statement. You can't control whether or not you become an addict. I avoided alcohol and drugs all my life because I knew addiction and depression were things that ran in my family. Addiction found me in another way and I've had to fight it for years. I almost completely destroyed my life several times in the past and was suicidal at different points as well, but I'm in a good place now.

There are lots of programs out there that save lives. I hope he's taking part in one. If your son does the work, he will get better.
Thank you for the feedback. This whole thing has been a learning experience for us and I'm not sure I will ever fully understand. I appreciate your perspective. My son attempted suicide in June. Fortunately he texted a girl after taking the pills and she called the police and EMS. I am trying to do what I think is right but the more I learn it seems the the less I know.
 
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