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Ed McMahon: "And now the great seer, soothsayer, sage and former financial adviser to the Greek government, Carnac the Magnificent."
(Carnac enters, stumbles, and takes seat)
Ed McMahon: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They've been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnall's porch since noon today. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your borderline divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers having never before seen the questions."
(Carnac takes first envelope from Ed, holds it to his forehead, and concentrates)
Carnac: "2017"
(Carnac tears open the envelope, blows loudly into it, and removes the index card with the question)
Carnac: "The question was 'What is the gross tonnage of the cast of The View; or, what year will every single college team go to an all-black uniform?'"
(Audience groans)
Carnac: "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi"
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