Soak the fries in water for a decent amount of time before cooking.
Fry at a low temp for 10 minutes or so (depends on thickness of fries). Jack the temp to 475-500 and fry again for a minute or so. Double frying is the way to go.
Chicken should be soaked in buttermilk overnight. I prefer a light breading that has spice in it (cayenne typically). I use breakcrumbs over flour. Make them big enough that they'll be juicy but not too big that you have to burn the breading to cook the insides.
I don't have many regrets in life, but one of them might be posting that video. I just googled for something funny to post, and only watched the first 20 seconds before I posted it. Then I watched the whole thing.
It oscillated between funny and disturbing.