From a colleague of mine
This is a piece of an article I think is important.
....in our addiction, the things we do are not because we choose to do them, but because we have to do them. Addiction is survival. And survival is not a choice. I told myself that I would stop. because of my education and research, I also understand the neurocircuitry, neuropharmacology, and behavioral aspects of opioid addiction.
I believe in science. I believe in its truth. And science has shown that opioid addiction is a disorder of brain structure and, thus, function. The continual intake of these opioids, day after day, year after year, alters the brain on a cellular, molecular, basis. These alterations are opioid addiction. And they are manifested as behavior directed towards the survival of the individual.
The neurobiological explanation of this disorder is beyond the scope of this post. But maybe this will help.
Let’s say that you haven’t had anything to eat for four or five days. You are starving. Can you feel it? What it’s like to be really starving? What would you be thinking about? Food. You would be needing, craving, food. This craving that you feel, that’s the brain’s mechanism that drives you to survive. Its purpose is to make everything else fall away and to force you to focus solely on obtaining what you have to have to live.
Now, let’s go further. Let’s say that food is restricted. There’s a famine or some kind of government control that limits the amount of food. There are no soup kitchens; there are no food banks. And no one will give you any food because they don’t have enough for themselves. There is, however, a black market in food. But the food in this black market, it is scarce and it is expensive. And it is illegal. It is against the law to buy food in this black market. What would you do? If you were starving? Would you break the law? Would you steal? To eat. And to live? How much of yourself would you sacrifice, how much of who you are, what you are, would you let go of, to survive?
This craving for food is measured in days. Our craving for opioids is measured in hours. Four to five hours after our last use, we begin to starve. And we crave. Three or four times a day we experience this craving.
Everything but our need for these opioids, falls away. And we focus solely on what we have to do, to survive. We don’t have a choice. We really don’t.
Please understand, I’m not trying to excuse our behavior. I am, though, trying to help you understand why we do these things. I know it may be difficult to believe if we have stolen from you, if we have been verbally abusive, and maybe even physical with you, that even while we were doing these things, we loved you. When we hurt you, we hurt too. We are doing these things because we have to survive, not because we want to do them. We become desperate, and in our desperation we do things that we know are wrong; we do things that we know are not us. But this doesn’t mean we don’t care, it doesn’t mean we don’t love; what it does mean is that we are starving. And that we are so desperate that we will hurt the ones we love to end that starvation.
What is sad is that we don’t understand this. We don’t understand why we are hurting the ones we love. And because we don’t understand, we can’t explain it to you. We can’t explain why we are hurting you. Not to ourselves and not to you. No one told us that these opioids cause changes in brain structure such that they become more important for our survival than food. We don’t understand this, and neither do you. And this lack of understanding can rip apart a family. It can replace love with resentments and anger. On both sides. And in this pain, in this lack of understanding, we can lose each other.
The knowledge that I hope you take away from this post is that your child or your loved one did not hurt you so that they could go out and buy hydro’s, oxy’s, or heroin. What they bought was their survival.
For those of you that have come to BNM from GRASP, and for others in this group that have lost a child or loved one to overdose and addiction, I hope this post will help you to understand that there is no blame here. Whatever you did, however you tried to help the one you loved, you did your best. Because that’s what love does. And I hope you also understand that your child, your loved one, they did their best. They fought, they struggled, they did all they could to stop. But ultimately, their disorder took their life.
Understanding, knowledge, is power. The lack of it is confusion and helplessness.
Sam Snodgrass, PhD
Board of Directors, Broken No More/GRASP