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Thread: Bullying update

  1. #1

    Bullying update

    Well, the bullying problem I had with my son at his private school a few months ago had seemingly died down until yesterday, when he broke down and cried last night - unconsolable - that he didn't want to go back to school and wanted to transfer.

    The root of this problem is that the school has 6th and 7th grade in PE together, and it's co-ed. That means all your 7th grade boys that have gone through pub. are big daddies showing off for all the girls. The often involves ridiculing and berating the 6th grade boys. There is a reason that in most schools, grades for PE are segregated, and the boys are separated from the girls. Not so at our school.

    Anyways...I called the principal this a.m. and she quickly said "I think your son has the wrong perception here..." I said "Why is it always my son who has the wrong perception? Why is it that his fellow 6th graders are so full of anger after a year's worth of taunting that they are punching walls in frustration and complaining to their parents the same as my child?"

    Long story short, I showed up at PE today. As the kids were walking to the gym, I quickly figured out who the "bully" was - Mr. Athlete that is standing at around 5-7 or 8. All he does is show off for everyone. I caught eye contact with him and I think everyone pretty quickly figured out who I was, and why I was there. All of the 7th grade boys (7 or 8 of them) crowded together and were whispering. I knew right then and there that things were going on that shouldn't be, because their behavior was so obviously suspicious.

    It was also interesting, that all of the kids had dark shorts and the other shirt the color of our school, except for this boy. He wore all black. Yet the dress code is dark shorts, and a shirt that is our school's color (not black).

    I looked out into the foyer area behind the glass and there was a fair amount of whispering among a few adults, too - coaches, athletic director, etc.

    About 10 minutes into the PE activity, the middle school principal came in, whispered to the teacher, and then went and retrieved the bully. I heard some muttering between him and the principal and I heard her say "well it starts today." He left and that was it for him.

    After class, the teacher told me that I didn't have to come back if I didn't want to, because the bully wouldn't be participating in PE for the rest of this year - he is "in trouble on another issue." Odd.

    So I guess my problem is solved, at least for now. Very strange.
    "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy, Wuzzy?"

  2. #2
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    Hope that continues to be the case, and glad you finally got some assistance from the staff. My goodness, sounds like you practically had to lawyer up to get something done.

  3. #3
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    Its awesome that you showed up and its absolute crap that it actually took you showing up for any action to take place

  4. #4
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    Sad commentary on today's educational system when this has to even be an issue. Says volumes about how things have changed for the worse. Glad you has a decent resolution.
    (old Gaelic saying) Chan eil h-uile facal sireadh freagairt. Not every question requires an answer.

  5. #5
    I might be over-thinking this, but this could be a situation of a school protecting their "elite athlete." They often look the other way. And absolute power (at least perceived power) in the hands of a 13-year-old with the body of a man - can have some very ugly consequences.
    "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy, Wuzzy?"

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    Glad to hear the situation has improved.

    I remember the ridiculous crap the older kids used to pull at my high school to the Freshman. A lot of it was funny looking back, but they would do this thing called "phone check" in the locker room that scares the crap out of me to think about still.

    The boys lockerroom was a square room lined with metal lockers with an entrance along one wall and another door across the room that led to the showers. There were no windows anywhere and just one row of poor lighting above. Once everyone was inside getting dressed, one of the older guys would cut the lights and yell "phone check" and about 20 of them would kneel down and start winging their metal pad locks from all angles as hard as they could across the room. It sounded like gunfire was going off when they'd hit the metal lockers. And if they didn't hit the walls, it sounded even worse when someone caught one to the chest, head or face. Then they'd cut the lights on and act like they didn't know who did it.

    I saw teeth knocked out, huge welts and one time a kid got pelted in the temple and knocked out. And no one ever got blamed for it since it was pitch black.

  7. #7
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    Sounds like you handled it very well.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Carolina Husker View Post
    Glad to hear the situation has improved.

    I remember the ridiculous crap the older kids used to pull at my high school to the Freshman. A lot of it was funny looking back, but they would do this thing called "phone check" in the locker room that scares the crap out of me to think about still.

    The boys lockerroom was a square room lined with metal lockers with an entrance along one wall and another door across the room that led to the showers. There were no windows anywhere and just one row of poor lighting above. Once everyone was inside getting dressed, one of the older guys would cut the lights and yell "phone check" and about 20 of them would kneel down and start winging their metal pad locks from all angles as hard as they could across the room. It sounded like gunfire was going off when they'd hit the metal lockers. And if they didn't hit the walls, it sounded even worse when someone caught one to the chest, head or face. Then they'd cut the lights on and act like they didn't know who did it.

    I saw teeth knocked out, huge welts and one time a kid got pelted in the temple and knocked out. And no one ever got blamed for it since it was pitch black.
    Wow, that's pretty wild. I have never thought twice about this whole bully issue until I have been living through it with my son. There is one boy there - a sweet child but kind of an outcast - that my son tells me is picked on mercilessly.

    It becomes conceivable to me now how every now and then a kid - maybe bullied for years - says "enough" and walks in with the AK-47 and goes to town. I'm not suggesting in any way that is an appropriate response, but until you've walked in a man's shoes...
    "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy, Wuzzy?"

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by WestTexasHusker View Post
    Wow, that's pretty wild. I have never thought twice about this whole bully issue until I have been living through it with my son. There is one boy there - a sweet child but kind of an outcast - that my son tells me is picked on mercilessly.

    It becomes conceivable to me now how every now and then a kid - maybe bullied for years - says "enough" and walks in with the AK-47 and goes to town. I'm not suggesting in any way that is an appropriate response, but until you've walked in a man's shoes...
    Bet this kid's parents are a real piece of work. The dad probably has a big narcissistic personality disorder and mom's too weak to stand up to his crap.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by COsker View Post
    Bet this kid's parents are a real piece of work. The dad probably has a big narcissistic personality disorder and mom's too weak to stand up to his crap.
    I have known a bully or two, and I was amazed at how normal the parents are most of the time, you never can tell how a kid is going to turn out. I have actually seen it both ways with the "off" parents and the perfectly normal ones as well. Let's differentiate something here though. There are kids that are just mean, and then there are bullies. Bullies can be taken care of. Kids that are just plain mean on the other hand, they keep coming back at ya. WTH I am glad this came out good for you and your son.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squatchsker View Post
    I have known a bully or two, and I was amazed at how normal the parents are most of the time, you never can tell how a kid is going to turn out. I have actually seen it both ways with the "off" parents and the perfectly normal ones as well. Let's differentiate something here though. There are kids that are just mean, and then there are bullies. Bullies can be taken care of. Kids that are just plain mean on the other hand, they keep coming back at ya. WTH I am glad this came out good for you and your son.
    Bullying is mean. I might go from there and call it evil. There are some kids that are just plain evil.

    And appearances of "normalcy" can be deceiving.

    The apple rarely falls too far from the tree. Impressions and behaviors are shaped at home from a early age. If dad is a big fat ape who boasts and frequently belittles his wife, children or others, that does not go unnoticed by youngsters.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by COsker View Post
    Bet this kid's parents are a real piece of work. The dad probably has a big narcissistic personality disorder and mom's too weak to stand up to his crap.
    Maybe mom and dad are uber strict and conservative and this is the only way he ever gets to exert control over his life.

  13. #13
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    Me thinks the bully might have parents in high places as well.


    Born a Nebraskan, raised a Nebraskan, will die a Nebraskan!! Go Big Red!



    Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.” - Gamalie the Pharisee - Addressing the Sanhedrin regarding the new group called Christians
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huskermedic View Post
    Me thinks the bully might have parents in high places as well.
    What do you mean? Within the school system or local community? That happens too. Wouldn't be surprised.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WestTexasHusker View Post
    Anyways...I called the principal this a.m. and she quickly said "I think your son has the wrong perception here..." I said "Why is it always my son who has the wrong perception? Why is it that his fellow 6th graders are so full of anger after a year's worth of taunting that they are punching walls in frustration and complaining to their parents the same as my child?"
    No doubt this principal did not want to deal with the bully or his parents...perhaps to Medic's point.

  16. #16
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    Bullying update

    That was my point since I have seen it many times in my life.


    Born a Nebraskan, raised a Nebraskan, will die a Nebraskan!! Go Big Red!



    Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.” - Gamalie the Pharisee - Addressing the Sanhedrin regarding the new group called Christians
    "I support collecting more in taxes from people with high incomes who choose to actually pay taxes at lower tax rates than use lawyers and accountants to avoid taxes at higher tax rates," he wrote. "Some tax revenues at low tax rates is a heckuva lot better than no tax revenues at high tax rates." - Art Laffer (on 999 plan)


  17. #17
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    If I had access to a weapon when I was in high school, I know one bully who's bullying days would have been short lived.

  18. #18
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    tough subject for me as I had a granddaughter commit suicide due to bullying.

    She was gay and was in Michele Bachmanns district and was in high school when she tried to organize a student union against bullying and the treatment set towards gays in School. Her story ended up on 60 minutes about how the school not only ignored the problems the students complained about and the rules they were actively trying to change through a peaceful process but the school became the biggest bully....

    We can blame the parents and all kinds of other things but there are times when it goes much deeper because we as people continue to wear blinders.


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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by utsker View Post
    If I had access to a weapon when I was in high school, I know one bully who's bullying days would have been short lived.
    +1, only he was in elementary/junior high. and he's a cop now for chrissakes...damn.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Pops View Post
    tough subject for me as I had a granddaughter commit suicide due to bullying.

    She was gay and was in Michele Bachmanns district and was in high school when she tried to organize a student union against bullying and the treatment set towards gays in School. Her story ended up on 60 minutes about how the school not only ignored the problems the students complained about and the rules they were actively trying to change through a peaceful process but the school became the biggest bully....

    We can blame the parents and all kinds of other things but there are times when it goes much deeper because we as people continue to wear blinders.
    My goodness. That is awful, and tragic. One of the biggest "problems" sometimes is the fact that we can't admit there is a problem.

    However, there is hope that your granddaughter didn't die in vain: As much as I hate litigation in almost any circumstance, it does appear that the threat of litigation has caused many schools to pay very close attention to bullying issues. In other words, the schools are paying attention not necessarily because they want to, but because they have to for risk management purposes.

    I suspect the private school we attend hasn't clued in to the legal and monetary risks associated with gross negligence.
    "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy, Wuzzy?"




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